Monday, March 6, 2023

I understand the Deplorables

Lives that every day peer

into burned out, low down, spotted, 

air and dirty streets.


I  see them bury their young

from bullets or meth. 


I see what breaks them, 

what has been injected 

with capital’s 

hypodermic’s plunger.


I see their work schedules, the price of eggs.  

I see their souls scared

purple and blue, their lives fragile

as sea shells, 


and I understand why they move 

their hearts from their own chests 

into the chests of Trump, Jesus, Lenin, 

Hitler, Dr Phil.  


Because they are alone and unable

to get what they need, what we all need.


Because we all are the wrong age, 

skin, weight, profession, religion, gender.  


Even I with some privilege want more God/Marx/Magic, 

whatever lets people inherit their own Earth.  


Because it was not he/she/it who 

set things up like this. 

This obscene land of begging 

and obscene stealing. 


The Jeff Besos ilk who smash paychecks

of millions of bread winners 

to enlarge their own monster jackpots.  


And everyone who wants change 

is so afraid to burn down the banks 

because they tag you as Commies

or dummies. 


Because the politicians always say 

it’s the wrong time, 

the wrong candidate

 —but mostly the wrong time —


for health, 

for tuition, 

for teachers, 

for wages, 

for peace, 

for resistance, 

for everything. 


But it is always the right time

for Exxon 

for Lockhead 

for Harvard grads

for the F.B.I. and

for not  


burning down this house 

of emptiness and terrible crimes.


For not building a house 

of prosperity

that stretches to all the Detroits, 

that turns rivers transparent 

and blue again, 

and grows fish that aren’t leaking,

and furnishes fresh green 

things—bell peppers and apples,

and small farms to replace liquor stores,  

and lets air smell  like orange peels

and eyes light up again

for another golden age—

a post Wall Street uber alles 

renaissance—when

finally the gods 

step down from the sun

and fill the void again.  


All week the news keeps newsing ...


...more mass shootings—

5 in Ohio, 

7 in Texas, 

4 in Michigan...


A chorus of promises rains down 

from our leaders

during their permanent rehearsals 

for action 

against guns stacked

in basements,

in night stands,

in shoe boxes...

 

And so it continues 

to rain guns with more 

rain tomorrow

and all of this year

and all of the next...


So that chorus of promises 

worries me here in my kitchen 

where my flowers wilt in fear. 

We feel insecure when 

every day five guys

or fifty 

go soggy

in puddles of blood.


I go to bed and the next morning

the news starts newsing. 

More bloody rain

on the porch,

on the dance floor, 

on the dead's stiff hands

stuck in the air. 


Even now 

the shooters’ anger prowls

around our streets,

waking up our dogs. 


They are not elsewhere,

they are everywhere and

I weep because nothing 

will stop them.  


I beg the editors,

mayors, cops 

and the whole chorus shakes

their heads

and they think about it 

every day

then once a week

then once a year.


The guns drag them

on leashes

to count casings, 

and they all howl

and their tongues thicken

with thoughts and prayers


as rifles point at our beds

squat on our sidewalks, 

enter our schools, 

invisible till 

they stand in our door.  


Thursday, March 2, 2023

I ate enough for two to three....


...every day since Thursday.

Snacked on bites of pie

several times each day.

At least three bags of corn chips

chewed & swallowed, too.

More than once I tell myself —

Go make a big green salad!

Then hand myself

a French baguette & creamy brie,

it having warmed on the counter

all these days & nights, starting

off moon round, then slowly carved

into this crescent.

My self and I discuss a walk.

    A refreshing saunter in the woods

nearby or the lake, various venues

come up often.  

We send signals

back-and-forth all day.  

The one who feels the guilt pretends,

even now, she’s getting ready. 

Just needs a bit more time.

And the microwave hums then beeps.  

gravy & rolls hot again.

A shame to waste the food.

Besides, the damage has been done.

Now the dark inhales the day

so no way am I going out.

Tomorrow for sure,  I swear to the

mirror and the mirror smirks back.

Too many promises have been made,

a quilt of them, bright and patterned, 

every sort of fabric sewn together

with faith in us, even in the liar.

Because this mirror 

has been surprised. 

We have amazed ourselves before.





Wednesday, March 1, 2023

Over toasted bagels make me think of guns



When you live in America

and you try to compose a poem 


 

about over toasted bagels,

 

you think about dying.



 

You want to think about 

how beautiful life is 

with its variety of bagels—blueberry, cheddar, pumpkin—


 

but the image of burned skin 

keeps on mocking you.  



 

So you think of the best bagel you ever had—

cream cheese, lox and sweet red onion 

but the words just don’t flow.

 


What flows is flesh fried 

by a bullet
 in isle 3

 and the last light that shoppers see 

reminds them of the spark from their toaster

that morning.  


What flows is:

 

Click. Click. Click.

 

Hole in the lungs.

Bone in the brain.



 

What flows are the blue lips.


 

What flows are lives spilling out 

all over the floor

 


in the bakery department.

 



Just one more spontaneous outburst
of gunfire 

in the supermarket down the street.  

 


There is a horrific thrill 

of watching 

bodies drop on the security cam

 


like the thrill of seeing a 747 crash 

because 

that could have been 
my flight,


 

my body

sprawling in the bagel isle


but today it isn’t.  


 

Not today.

Tuesday, January 10, 2023

Concierge duties


 It’s 6 am in the kitchen, I pour coffee 

when from the dark the thin boy appears

and thrusts his iPhone under my nose.


Look! I just threw up!


I see the photo, a green blob floating in the toilet.


For a better look, my head leans in 

& the little redhead’s voice 

chirps from the bowels of his phone 

where she now seems to live:

You ok, babe?


The boy’s brown orbs grab mine.

You understand, right?

I can’t go to school?


Believe him or not believe him? 

I don’t know anymore.

Two years ago he wouldn’t tell a lie even 

when I demanded one:

Tell your uncle you enjoyed his visit! 

Say it!


The shrink tells me, 

You can’t change him.

So make childhood a safe time.


Resigned, I nod.

I’ll get you a covid test.


My coffee turns cold as I record VM's for the school, 

his counselor, his shrink.


Next I google, Buy a rapid test near me,

write a list: apple juice, clear soup, tylenol.


My friend texts, See you at the trail. 


Wait! I text back. 

Running late: Concierge duties.


The little redhead is pregnant.



Her test kit results 

all over instagram with

shoplifted baby clothes.


She dances 

like a cheerleader for 

a home run 

& my head the ball crushed 

against a wall.  


Our boy smiles when I ask, 

It‘s true?


What rays from his eyes is 

his quick beating heart,

this careless joy. 


But I smother my voice 

so not to 

frighten him into silence.

I approach 

as I would a fawn in a trap 

so he will not dart 

but keep on talking.


You are only 15.


He says he’ll leave school, 

find work for his hands which still look small, 

but nails bitten down, 

clutching his phone where she waits, 

as if that phone were all that keeps his blood flowing.  


And a feeling comes over me, as if 

he had just set fire to every one of his childhood photos; 

the past seeming 

now a myth—our boy 

a soul possessed. 


A new incarnation 

has introduced himself. 


He's not coming back without her


On May 1, 2022 

the boy of 15 meets online 

a dark-haired girl of 14 

with eye lashes black and spindly as spider legs 

& the two video-chat nonstop. 


Their murmurs fill the night.

It is 1 then 3 then 5 AM. 

What is most shocking--

He is talking again!  


The boy imprisoned two years 

in his bedroom by a virus

had come to resemble that silent lonely ghost 

who bursts into TV as a mass killer.

And in his new voice there are the high notes 

of merriment 

& the low notes of secrets being shared.


And then on the morning of May 3, the dark-haired girl

is sitting on his bed.  Panic crossing all our faces 

when I step into his room, 

accelerating when his chest pushes against the door

 and mine thumping and pushing back.  


In silence they grab their backpacks, 

synchronized motions as if they had planned this moment 

and like thieves 

run from the house. 

 

I do not hear from him again for three weeks. 

Waiting, I sweep up his room—condom wrappers, chip bags,

cookie bits—change the bedding and wash what is in his hamper.  

I stare at a pink thong and a padded red bra. 

It hits me hard.  


On May 24, he texts, 

I will never come home without her.