Gutttural sounds

Oh honey, look at me.

Sitting here and must endure

your failure to be present,

to suffer the deficiency 

of you all by myself,

endure the lack of you 

without you.

Here and now this paucity 

of you must be gone

through so alone.

I can’t remember all we did,

only how you nursed me in the dark.

I have memorized your eyes on me.

I could not love you more 

than I loved myself 

but I loved you enough, 

or so you wrote in every card 

piled here on my lap. 

But just when I need you most, 

you are so absent,

so enormous this gap.